On Judgement

This time that we live in is the enemy of nuance.  If you try to search for the delicate true nature of reality, like crawling over the ground searching for a four leaf clover in the middle of a race track, you will get trampled.  I’ll give you an example – so there’s this meme. I’m sorry, I’m going to describe a meme now and it will be such an imperfect way to experience it. You should really just see the meme. I regret describing this meme. But alas, I have no choice. The meme is a video – it's the one from MEAN GIRLS where the character Regina George is standing in the middle of a hallway with her arms smugly crossed as chaos erupts from a rumor that she let loose. Students are running, screaming, attacking one another, pushing and shoving to escape, accusing each other of betrayal. It’s a really funny meme – totally lacking nuance, which is why it’s good. Over Regina George is the type GAYSOVER COVID. Have you heard of GAYSOVERCOVID?  

Do we even remember GAYSOVERCOVID? That was at least 6 weeks ago and I know how the world moves so quickly these days. Come back in time with me – it was the summer of 2020 and everyone was terrified. It was only a few months into the global pandemic and scientists were still figuring out appropriate behavior looked like. I’ll sum it up for you: Wear a mask, stay home. But the federal government was shrugging and saying whatev’s, and messaging varied from state to state depending on how desperately the officials wanted to feed humans to the economy. But come one, we knew – stay home. That was the right move. But it was summer! And it was nice to be...not home. So we went to the beaches, we went to the parks, we kept it outside, we kept it distanced. We were...pretty good. Then on July 4th weekend, the inevitable happened. The gays had a party. On Fire Island. There was a beach party on FIP beach, with boys crowded together drinking and gabbing, with music so low and bad that you couldn't actually hear it, no dancing, just like bopping. That evening party in the meat rack was much the same environment; transgression without fun – people kind of desperately trying to return to a feeling that just wasn’t there anymore. I know, no one is clutching their pearls with surprise here. But it’s a worthwhile timestamp to lay down, because for the first time two forces met: Gays who could give a fuck about Covid spreading and honestly just wanted to try to party VS gays who love to judge other gays, tell people how they are not living their life correctly, control and punish. This meeting of forces became the embryonic fluid that GAYSOVERCOVID was born in the very next week.

GAYSOVERCOVID is an Instagram page that dedicates itself to naming and shaming specifically gay men who go on vacations, throw maskless house events, go to circuit parties, or flout other very sensible pandemic protocols. The page has videos, it’s got pictures, from those private stories, it’s got it all hunny! Oh, and everyone is tagged. There’s no hiding from GAYSOVERCOVID. And it’s got those circuit boys mad about it! Recently a post came out on a notable party boy facebook page offering a 500-dollar reward for the identity of the dark forces behind GAYSOVERCOVID. To which I say, 500 dollars? To betray the identity of a close friend on a holy mission? You’re gonna at least have to pay me a cool thousand. Come on, I know you muscle boys spend more than that just to get into those expensive basic ass clubs! But in all seriousness, GAYSOVERCOVID has indeed successfully influenced the gay culture of the moment. It’s on everyone's minds, which is suspect is where it wants to be. It’s planted little seeds of suspicion into the queer community and one can feel the hesitation it’s germinated in all of us, a little rose of fear of personal judgement, a tiny sapling of more distance amongst friends – the fog of the threat of being offered up for trial before the entire queer community.

And why shouldn’t we judge these shallow boys? It’s an extreme show of privilege to travel to an economically vulnerable country during a pandemic, plain and simple. They are spreading this disease by traveling and partying, and not acting in a manner that is responsible for their community. And sure, you can mitigate risk – but just between us squirrels, do we really think they are all getting tested and quarantining for two weeks before and two weeks after? Like really? These are people who spend massive amounts on their body and their reputation and are unwilling to give up a single thing to benefit others. And also, why didn’t they invite me? GAYSOVERCOVID may be righteous but it also completely reek of jealousy. It’s comments and methodology are petty and cruel and all its lol’ing at that Mean Girls meme (which they posted themselves) mean is that it enjoys the way in which it is causing panic, argument, bitterness and revenge in the gay community. They’re into it. And okay, right on, I’m a Scorpio too – love a bit of destruction. But what is GAYSOVERCOVID’s endgame here? To change hearts and minds of the people who are traveling? I doubt it. To increase adherence to CDC guidelines? Naw. To make our communities more safe? LOL. Or is it to like, punish? To make people afraid to share their lives, or even their thoughts about the pandemic? To just make sure that people who are breaking those rules aren’t as popular as they were once this thing is over with? Because if so, all that feels like a losing battle as well. Gay popular people who do bad things are still gay and popular once people find out about those bad things. I mean for the life of me, people still go out clubbing with Aaron Shock sooooo. As I attempt to think of ways GAYSOVERCOVID is good for the queer community, I come up empty handed. Excluding the truly hilarious online fights, I think the major impact of GAYSOVERCOVID is that when I talk to my straight friends (who all follow GAYSOVERCOVID) they often ask me “SO why do gay men not believe in the pandemic? Why are you guys all partying all the time?” Maybe I need new straight friends? Or maybe GAYSOVERCOVID is having impact it doesn’t yet understand. Or maybe it does. GAYSOVERCOVID has recently gotten into the cop calling business to bust gay parties and that cant’ be an accident. And it was hard not to notice that its first two posts are on a specific black nurse that the account returns to periodically. There’s a new spinoff GAYSOVERCOVID Instagram page exclusively devoting to the rumor that Jordan Firstman is in Rio right now. So maybe the direction to punish the gay community is intentional and specific. But I do think it’s misplaced as well. Because for the most part, gays aren’t partying and traveling and engaging in meth induced orgies during this pandemic. It’s not factual to suggest that all or even most gays are doing all night raves (and I would know, because I would get invited, I’m fun and hot, I’d never go but I’d DEFINATLY get invited). The gays any bigger monsters than the everyone else is.

But

I do know a gay boy whose family is Mexican and he went down there to visit his parents and brought his boyfriend.

I know a queer guy who flew his little sister to NYC to spend thanksgiving with her.

I know a gay actor that went to New Orleans for work.

I know a gay DJ who went to Berlin to escape.

I know a gay ER doctor who has gone on vacation pretty much every month since April, while also saving countless lives when he is in town.

I know about a dozen gays that went home for Christmas.

I know a pair of gay best friends that rented out an airbnb in Tulum and didn’t party then upon their return quarantined and got three tests before they went back to their normally scheduled pandemic.

I know a marketing gay who has goes back and forth to Mexico as much as he possible can (which is a lot) and I don't think he ever quarantines upon his return.

I know a queer boy who moved to Mexico City for 6 months, a dream he’s had for years.

So. Which one of these actions are moral and which ones are not?  Who gets shamed and who gets forgiven? Is that the game we're playing here? Is that where the heat is? Is that really where we can do the most good? Or is that simply where we can do the most harm?  Is this one way or the other way of thinking useful to us?  I know that it’s a terribly hard world out there, but in order to navigate it, we must look at the nuance in situations.  In nuance is kindness.  And with kindness we can learn how to actually care for one another.